


The sin of falling in love, and being loved in return.

by bigsweatersandcuddleweather



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Guilt, M/M, Ziam angst, ziam, ziam drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-16
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-15 21:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1319824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigsweatersandcuddleweather/pseuds/bigsweatersandcuddleweather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t the silence that was intimidating, it was the vast shallow echoes that set his teeth on edge and his hands twitching. It filled every corner of his existence and shrouded him in the truth that exposed his very insignificance</p>
<p>Random drabble about Zayn and Liam and the guit that consumes him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The sin of falling in love, and being loved in return.

It wasn’t the silence that was intimidating, it was the vast shallow echoes that set his teeth on edge and his hands twitching. It filled every corner of his existence and shrouded him in the truth that exposed his very insignificance. Revealing the face that he was merely a blip in a major game, his existence resulting in nothing, just like the impact of his death. 

"Zayn? Love?" a hand on his shoulder knocked him sideways off his bended knees, head whipping to look at the holder. Irises that were reminiscent of burnt sienna gazing down at him, a troubled hint glinting as he blinked and tried to wipe it away, crouching so that his superior height diminished to match Zayn’s.

 

"Sorry darling. You were sitting there for a long time. Are you done?" gesturing down toward the woven rug that Zayn had been kneeling over, the sublte dark tones woven into a picture of Mecca, or so that’s how Zayn told them.

"What are you doing awake Li?" Zayn asked softly, voice rasping from the deep sleep he had been immersed in.

"Nothing. Felt you leave and couldn’t get back to sleep. You alright though babe?" ever so concerned as he reached up, attempting to slot his rugged fingers through the sable hued mane, but the prescence of the white colored  _topi_ blocked his path.Zayn must’ve noticed because his own slender fingers reached up and slid it off, so that Liam’s fingers could replace his,soft and gentle as the locks of hair slipped from his fingers.

"Almost. Give me another minute." he promised, reaching for Liam’s hand as it slid down to caress his haggard sleep warmed cheek, bringing it to his lips so that he could press a kiss to the worn palm, glancing through the thicket of feminine lashes that obscured his vision, as Liam soft muted grin pressed his on toward his eyes and it made the thick weight in Zayn’s chest lift, if only for that second. 

"Take your time." ever so supportive as he bent forward, lips brushing against the planes that deepened on Zayn’s forehead as he scrunched his eyebrows, waiting till he heard the sound of muted retreating feet before turning back his gaze back to his own lap, swallowing the lump in his throat as he tried to remember how to bring his shoulders down from his ears, breathing in through his nose and out through his parted chapped lips, until his hands stopped shaking enough to grab the delicate white material that was his topi, sliding it back over his head so that it trapped his hair against his head. 

It was like sinking through the surface of his restricted memories, back to when he was ten and standing on a prayer mat so similar to this, hands clasped right under his barely noticeable belly as the call to prayer rang in his ears, standing next to his baba, and Jawaad on his other side, shoulder to shoulder as they stood in one line, all of them there and converging for one purpose, the one thing that made him feel like he had a purpose. He could still here the  _mullah’s_  voice ringing in his ears, the fleecy carpet caressing his knees as he prostrated himself, just like he was now.

It felt like centuries ago, back a long time ago when the worst thing he had ever done was eat the skittles with gelatin, even though he knew that was _haraam._

Now his sin was being in love, and being loved back. The thoughts of his tragic downfall weighing a heavy burden on his shoulders day in and day out. The weight that multiplied after each night spent together, after each kiss given and taken greedily, the heated touches everywhere that make his head spin and have him gasping for breath. The brushing of hands and knotting of fingers over breakfast, fingers curling over hips and around the back of necks as they lounge in front of the t.v, warm bodies pressed together on the couch, chest to chest as their hearts pound together in sync. 

It felt too fast, hurt too hard, and filled his heart to the brim until it overflooded and threatened to drown him over and over again with each meeting of eyes and tentative smile. 

**_It scared him._ **

The rush of feral raw emotions that came with  _Liam._ Hitting him harder than anything that had happened in the past three years, setting his heart asunder harder than any moment on stage in front of thousands of screaming fans, stripped him of his shields and left him near vulnerable with just one knowing glance.

He wanted to run, to hide, to escape the debilitating thoughts that sparked fear in his every bone, every thought that came with _loving Liam._ He wanted to scream and ask Allah _Why? Why did you make Liam mine when it’s not something you want? Is this a test? Am I destined to fail because I’m weak and gave into my heart?_

Loving Liam went against everything he had been taught, but it felt wrong to deny his heart and be a masochist to cause himself pain. Loving Liam felt like warmth running through the frigid fear that incased his bones and brought him back to life. And as the realization set in that maybe, just maybe he loved Liam more than he feared Allah, it soothed the aches in his joints like a healing balm. 

And like clockwork, after that first morning prayer he kissed his fingers and thanked god for giving him Liam, and promising to accept that fate that would behold his punishment, so long as he could keep loving Liam, and letting Liam love him in return, rubbing the cupped hands that he had whispered his du’a into and sliding them once over his face.

Liam was sitting on the couch right behind where he been kneeling, cradling a cup of tea in his hands with the very mask of affection over his features. He gestured for Zayn to come over and he did so, shedding the weight of his guilt in exchange for the feel of the warm touch that brought him into a broad chest, legs bracketing his hips and a blanket clocking them both from the world.

"You alright jaan?" the word rolling off his unaccustomed tongue in an almost fluid motion, just like Zayn had taught him, the sound of his urdu bring joy to Liam’s eyes, just like when he would read in arabic and Liam would try and follow along, but give up in exchange for watching Zayn’s relaxed brow and the way he seemed to breath the words.

"Yeah. Just realized something." he mumbled, hand reaching out instinctively for Liam’s.

"Oh yeah? What’s that?" Liam asked, always eager to hear Zayn’s thoughts, get a peek into his mind whenever he got the chance.

"I’m in love with you." it wasn’t more than a whisper but Liam heard it, the affection rushing through his veins in a burst that would’ve startled him if he wasn’t already accustomed to it. 

"I know. Glad to know that you’ve finally realized it as well." 

"Yeah, me too." even though Liam was teasing he just smiled, reveling in the weightlessness that made him feel as if he could just simply float away, if it weren’t for the arms achoring him there, at that moment, the sun slowly filtering through the cracks in the curtain. 

And he thanked Allah again as he looked up and saw Liam already watching him, before bending up to close the space between them until they could be merged as one, just like how they were destined. 

And if loving Liam was wrong then he would gladly face whatever punishment was fated for him, so long as he could love him and be loved in return.


End file.
